What's your positive change story?

Photo by Live Life Happy

If you've been reading my blog, around Thanksgiving (Canadian), I wrote about how thankful I am about the change I've seen in my dad. Yes, he's changed for the better. He used to worry a lot, which in turn, attracted a lot of negativity. Please don't think that I'm saying that my dad is not a nice person. He has many good qualities, but all of us have flaws that tend to sometimes overshadow the goodness in us. 

After lending him and reading a self-help book written by a Christian author, which was given to me as a gift on my birthday, we have seen his sincere effort to change and become a more positive person. He smiles a lot now (which makes him look 20 years younger, we told him!), and is more open to conversing with other people and does not think that spending time with others to catch up / chat is a waste of time. He socializes more, in short. We used to argue a lot as well (because I'm a Virgo and I like pointing out things and it annoys my dad a lot), but now, when I tell him something, he even listens to my suggestions and considers them! I'm happy to see that my dad is a happier person now. I think it's important as we all get older.

Doesn't he look 20 years younger when he smiles? ;)

Daddy and Mommy before church and his birthday lunch yesterday

It was his birthday yesterday; he just turned 63 years old. His change story just proves that, at any age, we can change for the better as long as we're committed to it and that's what inspired me to write this post. A blog post about change is also kinda relevant and timely as New Year's resolutions are still "hot", although I already stopped making resolutions and can't even remember when I first did. It's just that, for me, action is better than resolution and making goals is better than making promises.  

Change is a concept that I find hard to get along with before, but now, I find it exciting to continue reinventing myself for the better. There a few goals, which involved a lot of changes, that I've been working on for years. I'm convinced that this year is going to be the year when I will be enjoying the fruits of my labour! ;)  Here are a few of the positive changes I made in the past few years to become a better person and to reach my goals:

Always assume positive intent

This one was taught to us by a manager who trained us at work. Basically, what it means is that, instead of holding into a negative thought about something or someone when they do something that you think is against you, look at things in a positive light instead of attaching negative thoughts and emotions to what they did. Cut people slack, in short.

I used to be that someone who, if you did something that I think was wrong, I would hate you for it and would manipulate to get even  if you did it to me. It used to take a toll on me, so I'm very happy to know about this simple yet effective secret to living a happier life. There are still times, I admit, when it is really a challenge to look at things positively, but I swear, practicing it saves me a lot of mental and emotional stress!

Do my best to see and seek the good in every person I meet

I like observing people I just met - the way they talk, they dress up, and relate with others - because it helps me a lot in knowing how to interact with them. But there were times in the past when I became overly judgmental to the point of avoiding some people who didn't fit in my "friendship qualifications". 

A falling out with a friend back in university made me realize a lot of things. To make the long story short, we had a falling out because of... I can't even remember how it started, to be honest. But what happened is that, after we stopped talking, I found it hard to make friends with my other classmates because they knew that I was the kind of person who's picky about friends. I was so sad that they didn't want to make friends with me, but after common friends helped me to show that I'm willing to change, eventually, I learned that it's okay to make friends with people who aren't exactly like you. I opened myself up to these classmates who aren't "like me" and became close friends with them. Up till now, I consider a lot of them as really, really good friends.   

Moving to Canada helped me a lot too. As you know, Canada is a very diverse country. I started making friends with people of all races and backgrounds. I remember writing in a few of the Christmas cards I gave my friends how we are very different people with different personalities, but life has been much more fun with them. Of course, there are still a few that I meet whose personalities annoy me, but I'm proud of my progress. For example, there's this one person I recently met who is kind of a show-off, and if you know me,  I do not like show-offs -- at all. But instead of constantly thinking this person is pompous, I focused on his positive traits. And after a few months of doing that, I started to like the person more and I can say, that we might not become the best of friends, but he's actually fun to be with! 

I remember one of our journalism instructors in school giving us a writing activity that I had never done before. She told us to write two articles about one person. One article should contain negative descriptive words and the other one should be written the same, but using more positive words that would replace the negative ones we've written in the first article. It just didn't help in making me a better writer (a journalist with a conscience), but a better person as well. It's such a powerful activity that we should practice in real life. Instead of talking negatively about someone, why not look at how you can say things about the person in a nicer way? It's not as hard as you imagine.

Explain, not dictate

Because I worked in TV production, I always want things to go as planned, especially that I spend hours organizing every detail of a project. I like things to be done quickly and I don't like explaining myself repeatedly.  That's why when people are lazy and slow, I get easily annoyed. And when plans fail because people didn't do what they're told  and they did nothing but whine, I just flip. I know it sounds so bad, but that's just how it is in the world of TV broadcasting -- every second counts, so you're always under a lot of pressure. We've always been taught that time wasted is money wasted as well. 

Because I'm so used to being like that at work, I tend to bring that temperament outside of work too and I know it's not good. So even though it's not that easy, I really am doing my best to change myself. I started by changing how I work. Yes, you solve the problem by starting at the root cause of it. I still am meticulous to details whenever I work on a project (because I need to -- it's in the job qualifications!), but I try to explain in advance to the people I work with why I want this to happen and why I'm gonna be asking for this and that. I practice empathy as well. I also learned how to trust people more. When a colleague tells me to trust him/her, that things will work out just fine, I just breathe deeply and let go.

Dress and act my age

A lot of people are really curious about my age. Sometimes, too many people ask me in a day that I just let them guess it. They would usually say 21 or even younger, but lately, after turning 25 (does that answer your questions? hihi), many could guess my age pretty close -- 24 they'd say. I wanted, for so long now, to be treated my age here in Canada, but everyone always says that I'm too cute and I kinda enjoyed that attention and continued to act and dress "cute". You know, I was able to get away with a lot of things or get what I want with my cuteness. Hahaha! 

This is me whenever I'm trying to get off the hook. Haha!

But, I know, if I kept being like that, no one will take me seriously and, believe me, it's so hard to advance your career when they think you're just a kid. So even though it's expensive to change my wardrobe, even though I'm too lazy to put makeup on before work, even though it's hard not to be bubbly and cute, I did it. It doesn't mean I became a boring, stuck up person, though. I just learned how to control the way I act in front of people (minus being fake of course).

Make an effort to meet "the one"

I have gained a lot of wisdom about family, friendship, career, and life in general in the past few years, and I'm pretty sure that there is some wisdom about love I am yet to find. Haha! When I want to prioritize a certain area in my life (career, most of the time), I make it my full time job, so I guess I have to be fair and put some effort in improving this "love" aspect of my life too. For many years, I've enjoyed being single (very much) that I'm so used to pushing guys away - "friendzoning" them - especially if they don't fit my qualifications (here we go again with my damn qualifications).  Now that I'm 25 and ready to commit, I kind of find it hard to remove that habit. So I asked a lot of my older friends and acquaintances how I can change myself and be more open to being in a relationship with someone and got many pieces of advice. Here are some of what they told me: go out more, attend another church with more guys my age, try online dating, have a less rigid checklist and smile more. Well, I really do not want to attend another church just to meet a guy (it's just kinda shallow), but the rest of their advice, I've been trying to do. I find that smiling more often is very effective. *wink wink* Haha! 

Even writing about this topic makes me uncomfortable, but I know it's a sign that I'm trying to open myself to the possibility now. Everyone, my family and friends, is just so excited for me to switch my relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship". *sigh* I guess the search has been that long already. Just look at my friend's comment here:

"Please have a boyfriend na."  

Screen grab from my friend's Instagram

With all these changes happening in my life right now, let's see what'll happen next. ;)

How about you? What's your positive change story? If you don't have one yet, what do you want to change in your life and what steps are you taking to become a better person?