Skip to main content

Lessons I Learned From My Mom

They say that mothers know best. Who would dare disagree with that? When I think of it, there's no other person, so far, in the world who can look at me and will know exactly what I am thinking or how I am feeling but my mom. 

Throughout the years, my mom had witnessed me experience different emotions: joy, excitement, pain, anxiety, and much more. She had seen me succeed - and even fail - in all aspects of my life. Without my mom's love, support, and wise words, I do not know if I would have come this far.

Through the years, there are golden lessons that she had taught me and had stuck with me. I remind myself of these wise words from her when the going gets tough to help me make good decisions in life:
  1. Enjoy your youth because you will only be young once. It is the time for yourself and not for boys. And being in school is fun.
    I think my mother had originally said this when I was in high school so that I would avoid boys. Haha! And I tell you, it was very effective. I think the conversation came up when I asked her why some of my classmates were always crying because of their boyfriends. That's when she told me that instead of focusing on boys, I should enjoy my time with my friends because high school is the best time to do that. She also said that once high school is over, life will get more serious and I will have to work harder. According to her, high school brings not a lot of responsibility; I just need to go to school with the allowance they were giving me. (Of course, with that allowance, they expected nothing but good performance in school, which I believe I had delivered no problemo. ;)) Because high school would give a lot of time in my hands, she said that I need to take this as an opportunity to get to know myself.

    When I look back now, I realized the importance of this advice from my mom. Of course, I had crushes and admirers, but I always knew my limits. I realized that there were so many things I did not yet know about myself during that time. How would I be able to know what qualities I would look for in a guy if I did not even know myself that well? I was consciously aware that I was still too naive to enter any relationship. Instead of making my world revolve around boys, I shared so many fun memories and laughter with my friends and discovered the things I would be passionate about later on. I became very active in school and learned so many skills that are now helpful to me in navigating the "real world".
  2. Even if you don't like someone, be nice to them. Someday you may need their help.
    I am a very expressive person. When I don't like someone, my facial expressions never ever lie. Maybe it's my sassiness. That's why a few teachers and administrators both in high school and university would usually complain about how I would always roll my eyes or give them the side eye when I disagree about something they said. They would tell my mom about it and whenever she talked to me about that particular behaviour of mine, I'd always tell her that I didn't even know I was doing it.

    But of course, my mom knew me too well. She would repeatedly remind me the importance of good relationships. Through her, I learned that building good relationships with people, whether you agree with them or not, would help me succeed in life. It's not that my mom taught me how to be fake. She taught me how I shouldn't be too quick to judge people who are different from me. Even if I found it hard to get along with them, I would need to tolerate them and still be kind to them. With practice, I learned the art of good PR. I have learned over the years, that, most of the time, when you show people you disagree with compassion and kindness, they would even go as far as advocating for you. In the best of cases, you would even discover good friends in them.
  3. Study hard, so you can find a good job after school and so you can buy whatever you want.
    Even though we could afford things in the Philippines, my parents never spoiled us by giving us everything we wanted without having to work for it. As kids, of course, they bought us a lot of toys. But there was always a set budget for it. As we grew up, they trained us to be satisfied with what we have. If we wanted a new gadget, we would have to show them good grades (or ask our relatives abroad to give them as gifts).

    I loved reading magazines when I was young. Besides the story section, I would scan through the fashion section as well to look at the pretty clothes the young models were wearing. Even if my mom worked as a manager at a big department store in the Philippines, we would only get to buy clothes when the store held a sale or when she got gift certificates from work. Although I never threw fits to get new clothes, I'll be honest that there were times I felt jelly that my other classmates had the latest Nike sneakers or nice clothes from Bayo or Kamiseta. Whenever I'd show my mom the photos of clothes I like from the magazine, she would tell me to study hard and to work hard when I get a good job, so I would be able to afford things.

    And now, because I followed my mom's advice, I can buy the clothes and shoes and bags that I want without having to depend on anyone. Of course, I still wait for them to go on sale. Hahaha.
  4. Always be good to your sister. You only have one sister. You are all she'll have when we're gone.
    OMG, this advice was so hard to absorb when we were younger! As kids , whenever my sister and I argued and she would hit me (once, she even bit me), my mom would be like, "You are the ate. You should understand better. Huwag kang pumatol." I felt that it was so unfair that I even had the thought I was adopted. HAHAHA! ;D Eventually, because my mom drilled this advice into my head, I learned how to be the bigger person, how to love patiently and unconditionally. My sister and I don't hit each other anymore (minsan na lang), but there are times when Thea would still test my patience (especially when she used to date the wrong kind of guys). Despite that, I know that whatever happens, I will always be here for my baby sister and she'll always be there for me. I guess we got no choice. My mom said, if my sister and I ever fight when she's gone, she will haunt us. 
  5. The right opportunity will always come, and if it gets presented to you, take it.
    There was a time when I got very frustrated with job hunting in Canada. During those times, my mom had always encouraged me to just keep looking and never give up. I went back to the Philippines for a year when I felt like I would go nowhere here. Upon returning, I went freelancing for a few months while I search for a full-time job. During that time, not even once my mom complained that I still did not have something full time. Instead, she told me to take my time and wait for the right opportunity. She even joked that she's sure I'd end up having more than one choice and that I would have a hard time deciding. Her joke became real! Not just an opportunity came to me, but lots of it! And they keep coming until now. 
Of course, my mom had also given me some timely love advice:

  1. If a guy wants to get to know you, even if you are not interested at first, give him a chance to get to know you.
    Being a Virgo, I tend to be a perfectionist. No matter who I met, I always had something to say about the guy. And when I saw something to pick on, I would consider it a red flag and won't give the person a chance. I know, poor guys. *smh* 
    When Mommy gave me this advice , she was again reminding me not to be judgmental because I could be missing out on a lot of things. She advised me to just enjoy the moment. I did just that this year. I went out to meet guys and without any pressure on myself. Instead of getting nervous or testing them on first dates, I'd go as if I was just meeting a friend. Even though I still did not see almost all of the guys I met as potential partners, it amazed me how it was possible for me to see the good qualities of these guys instead of nitpicking on them.
  2. The right man for you will not get scared away or turned off by whatever you say or do. Don't cry for the wrong guy.
    When one guy told me he wasn't ready for a relationship last year, I took it personally. I mean, for the first time in my life, I was willing to let my walls down. Despite my best efforts, this guy still left my heart stung. The morning after I received that "goodbye" text message (yes, a text), I decided to talk to my mom and started bawling. I told her we went on a few dates and maybe I made it too obvious that I have a strong personality for a woman and it might have been too early to show it and he may have gotten intimidated.

    That's when my mom went "just stop right there, Thessa"  and made it clear to me that this is not the kind of guy I cry for. It took me a few months of overthinking what I could have done wrong (you see what I mean when I said I'm a perfectionist?) and lots of talk with my friends to get over it. Eventually, I got tired of thinking and I moved on. Now when I look back, I feel embarrassed. It was just a few dates. I mean, even if he was a nice guy or not, it was clear that he wasn't the one for me. My intuition told me that early on, but I never listened. I realized I wasn't heartbroken; my pride just took a hit. That was all.

    I have learned my lesson after this; that it's best to be true to yourself and not just "be nice" for the sake of it when getting to know someone for a relationship. Of course, being respectful of the other person is a different conversation. But what I'm trying to say is that, if you become honest and the guy leaves or complains, then as my mom said, he's not the right man.
  3. There's no perfect guy. The most important things you should look at is his patience and kindness. Pray for it.
    I do not want to elaborate on this because it is pretty self explanatory. Just like in many other instances, I believe that my mom is right again this time. :)
I know that in the coming years, there is still a lot that I will learn from this special woman in my life. Thanks, Mommy, for the wise words and so much more! I will definitely share these lessons with my children in the future. I am the woman I am today because I always carry the lessons you teach me, the good examples you show me, and the love you give me in my heart.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Thank You for New Windows

Photo by Thea Sandoval Who doesn't love beautiful and peaceful fall mornings? All mornings spent at home are beautiful to me, but the magnificence of the autumn season just magnifies its simple beauty. Last night, we had a fun, gleeful Thanksgiving celebration with my parents' Couples for Christ family. This morning I woke up to an opposite ambience -- it was quiet and calm, with sunrays coming through the windows and all. I sat beside our living room window and I said a little "thank you" inside that all is well with my soul again. I started thanking God for all His small blessings that we fail to notice when our lives become a little less than perfect. Art from seedsoffaith.com It's been months since I was able to really stop and appreciate the beauty of life and all the gifts that were given to me. I thought this morning was the perfect time for me to reflect and say a " salamat " (thank you) for everything. First and foremost, I am thank...

In Oh Canada...

source : canada -day . ca It's Canada Day! So of course, I'm writing about it today! ;) When I was still in Canada, I always talked about the Philippines. I didn't know if it annoyed them or not, but I couldn't stop telling my friends there about how beautiful my home country is. Funny, now that I'm back home, I talk about Canada -- A LOT. I'm starting to realize that even though I badly wanted to come back to the Philippines this year, there are so many things I love (and miss) about my other home as well... and here they are: 1. Canada brings me closer to nature.  There are so many places in the Philippines that will make you feel very close to nature too. But the thing is, sometimes, you have to travel for hours and cross many seas before you reach those places, unlike in Canada. I live on the Mountain (Hamilton Mountain to be precise), so whenever I want to enjoy the view of the whole city in 3D, all I need to do is cross the street and go ...

Cinemalaya 2013 Experience

photo courtesy of Iona Magsombol So Cinemalaya 2013 has just wrapped up. Congratulations to all the winners! :) I'm happy because, finally, I was able to attend a real film fest in the Philippines. Well, I've watched a few films at the MMFF the past few years, but, it's not really... it just doesn't feel like... uhmmm ... Anyway, I've been an attendee of film fests abroad, and what kind of Filipino would that make me if I didn't support our own now that I had the chance? Given my work schedule, I was able to watch just three films at Cinemalaya this year -- which, btw, are all superb: SANA DATI courtesy of cinemalaya.org Thanks to the director of the film, Jerrold Tarog, for giving us free tickets to Sana Dati's gala night! (The company I work for co-produced the film Senior Year with Jerrold. Hence, the association and the free tickets. Hihi .) I'm happy that this was the first film I watched because it made me want to watch ...